What Executive Functioning Actually Is (And Why Your Brain Isn't Broken)

Let me tell you about the day I realized my brain wasn't broken, it was just running a different operating system.

I was sitting in my cognitive performance consultant office (yes, the irony is not lost on me) when a client described feeling like she was "constantly forgetting the plot of her own life." She'd walk into rooms and forget why. She'd start projects with enthusiasm and abandon them three steps in. She'd feel the weight of a thousand unfinished tasks pressing on her chest at 2am.

"Do you think I'm just… lazy?" she asked, tears in her eyes.

And there it was. That word. The one I'd internalized for decades before my ADHD diagnosis in my 40’s. The one my 12-year-old son has already heard whispered about his in classrooms. The one my husband, brilliant, analytical, can-tell-you-everything-about-obscure-moments in history-but-not-where-he-put-his-glasses, has carried like a stone.

"No," I said. "You're not lazy. Your executive functions are just working overtime with faulty equipment."

So What the Hell Is Executive Functioning, Anyway?

Executive functioning (EF) is your brain's management system. Think of it as the conductor of an orchestra, the air traffic controller, or my personal favourite analogy as a music lover, the DJ mixing tracks in real-time to create a coherent experience.

These are the cognitive processes that help you:

• Plan and organize (Where did I put that thing I need?)

• Manage time (Wait, the meeting was TODAY?)

• Hold information in your head while using it (What was I saying?)

• Start tasks (I'll do it after I just...)

• Follow through on tasks (I swear I'm going to finish that)

• Shift between activities (But I'm not done with this dopamine hit yet)

• Control impulses (Did I just buy another planner?)

• Regulate emotions (WHY AM I CRYING ABOUT A COMMERCIAL?)

  
  

When your executive functions are humming along, you move through life with relative ease. You remember appointments. You finish the thought you started. You don't own 17 half-used notebooks.

When they're not? Welcome to my house.

The Aha Moment That Changed Everything

I was raised by a generation that didn't have a framework for executive dysfunction. You were either smart and hardworking, or you were lazy and making excuses. As a biracial kid already navigating two worlds, already code-switching between cultures, I learned to mask early and mask hard.

I developed elaborate systems. I became the "fun, spontaneous & dramatic" one to cover for the fact that I couldn't plan ahead. I married someone who, ironically, has the same brain wiring, so we normalized our chaos. Two successful professionals and between us, we still can't remember to defrost dinner.

But when my son started struggling, when I watched his brilliant mind get tangled in the same webs I knew so well, I couldn't let him inherit the shame narrative I'd carried.

That's when I deep-dove into the neuroscience. Not just as a parent, but as a professional who works with high-performing individuals who were secretly drowning in their own lives.

Here's what I learned: Executive dysfunction isn't a character flaw. It's a neurological difference.

Your Brain on EF (Or Lack Thereof)

The prefrontal cortex, your brain's CEO is responsible for executive functions. In ADHD brains (and many other neurodivergent conditions), this area develops differently and functions with different neurotransmitter levels, particularly dopamine and norepinephrine. This is NOT specific though to those who are Neurodivergent or have ADHD.

Translation? You're not choosing to be forgetful, distracted, or "all over the place." Your brain's management system is understaffed, underdeveloped and running on fumes.

Imagine trying to conduct a symphony when:

• Some musicians showed up late

• You're missing the sheet music for half the instruments

• Someone keeps changing the tempo

• You can only hear certain sections at certain times

• And everyone keeps asking you why you can't just "focus harder"

That's executive dysfunction.

Why This Matters (Especially for Those of Us Who Are "High-Functioning")

I put that in quotes because "high-functioning" is often code for "you've learned to mask your struggles so well that no one believes you're actually struggling."

As a 49-year-old woman entrepreneur, I've watched countless women my age finally get diagnosed with ADHD and realize their entire lives make sense now (just in time for menopause.....awesome). We were the "scattered but creative" ones. The "so smart but doesn't apply herself" kids. The "hot mess express" adults who laughed off our chaos because what else could we do?

But here's the thing: understanding executive functioning isn't just about getting a diagnosis or an explanation.

It's about:

Stopping the shame spiral. When you understand it's neurology, not morality, and they are skills you can build, everything shifts.

Building actual strategies that work. Generic productivity advice doesn’t work. We need different tools whether you are Neurotypical or Neurodivergent.

Advocating for ourselves and our kids. My son gets accommodations I never had because I can articulate what executive dysfunction actually is AND he’s still held accountable for himself.

Creating systems that account for reality. My household doesn't run on Pinterest-perfect organization systems. We have visual timers, redundant calendars, and a family motto: "If it's not written down, it doesn't exist."

The Three-ADHD-Brain Household Reality Check

Want to know what it's like when Mom, Dad, and the 12-year-old all have ADHD?

Last Tuesday, we had three different grocery lists going simultaneously, forgot we had all made dinner plans separately, and somehow ended up with four gallons of milk and no bread. My husband spent 20 minutes explaining to me how the new app he downloaded would "revolutionize our family organization" (spoiler: he forgot to actually use it by Thursday). My son reminded US about his school project due the next day at 9pm.

And you know what? We laughed. Gut-busting, tears-streaming, this-is-our-life laughter.

Because once you understand that executive dysfunction is part of your neurology, you can stop fighting against your brain and start working with it.

What's Coming Next

Over this blog series, I'm going to break down:

• Each executive function and what it actually looks like when it's struggling

• Real strategies from someone living it (not just studying it)

• How to support your ADHD kids when your own EF is questionable

• Why traditional productivity advice fails us and what works instead

• The intersection of identity, culture, gender, and executive functioning

• And most importantly: how to find the humor, joy, and play in the midst of it all

  
  

Because life's too short to spend it beating yourself up for having a brain that works differently.

Your Turn

Drop a comment and tell me: What's your executive dysfunction "signature move"? Mine is putting something in a "safe place" and immediately forgetting where that safe place is. My house is full of safe places. I have no idea where any of them are.

Let's build a village where we can laugh about the chaos while actually supporting each other through it.

This Week's Playlist: "Brain Reset Mix"

• Lovely Day - Bill Withers (because some days you need the reminder)

• Respect - Aretha Franklin (for your neurodivergent brain)

• Don't Stop Me Now - Queen (hyperfocus anthem)

• Three Little Birds - Bob Marley (everything's gonna be alright)

  
  

Next Week: We're breaking down the 9 Executive Functions with real-life examples from my household circus. Bring snacks.